a tough one to post

I will struggle with how much of my inner self is revealed in this blog. There is much that feels too private to write. But there is also much to be shared. Many of us travel similar journeys, rub shoulder-to-shoulder getting to the next big thing in our lives. Our "next big thing" is taking us across the ocean to China, to gather in our arms a precious bundle whose beginnings we may never know.

Though I will never meet my daughter's birth mother, our lives have been indelibly connected. And so I wrote of her...

I think of you today.

I think of you today, and wonder if you are grieving. Does your heart break every time you think of the excruciating decision you had to make all those months ago?

Do you know that she was found? Were you there when a bystander just happened to glance her way, realizing that a precious one was left? Alone. Did you see him pick her up, look this way and that in a frantic search to find a note, a semblance of evidence as to her plight?

I think of you today. Did you burst into tears when someone finally reached for her sweet, tiny form and held her close? Did you feel like the very life was being ebbed out of you? I wonder if you followed close behind, dodging behind buildings or trees or people, in case a furtive glance by the one who found her, might somehow connect the two of you.

Have you waited outside the orphanage gates, just in case you might glimpse the beauty of her smile, or the flutter of an eyelash? Do you fear that you would no longer recognize her? Do you hope with ever fiber of your being, that she is safe and warm and happy?

I think of you today. You can not understand the amazing things that God has planned for your daughter. She is a priceless jewel, a treasured possession, a cherished one. And He has seen fit to let our family take the next step of her journey, with her.

I thank you for your sacrifice. I grieve with you, your loss. My heart breaks when I think of the excrutiating decision that you had to make all those months ago.

And I promise that the one you left, has been found. My daughter will never be alone again.

So I think of you today.